Lately, I’ve been experimenting with using an hourglass to time blocks of work in 30 minute increments. When it runs out, I take a five minute break and then jump back in.
I was first introduced to the concept of “racing the clock” in “The Hero Handbook” by Nate Green:
“Most people put off work because they overestimate how difficult it will be or how much time it will take,” Nate wrote. “You have to kick-start action and hold yourself accountable.”
That’s what this does for me. When I use my hourglass, I feel more focused and intentional about my work. Placebo effect? Maybe. But I get a lot done every time, and that’s what matters.
Give timing the work you do on something important a try. You’ll probably surprise yourself with how much you accomplish.
P.S. The Hero Handbook was one of the most impactful books I’ve ever read. I was lucky to find it early in high school and I have read it at least once a year since then, still borrowing and applying Nate’s concepts. It’s still available as a free PDF.
Recently, I was offered an opportunity to come back to the U.S. and continue working for Google.
The job had a lot of great perks.
I’d be making more money than I am now. I’d move to a familiar city and have a high quality of life. I’d be closer to my family.
I turned it down.
It was one of the toughest decisions I’ve had to make in years.
The last few weeks were filled with intense deliberation – both within myself and through challenging conversations with colleagues, friends, and family. These weeks forced me to deeply examine what I want in my life right now, both personally and professionally.
In the end, I decided staying in Europe was the right choice for now.
It isn’t often that we’re faced with decisions that carry such heavy consequences. Indeed, almost everything about my life would change depending on which option I chose. Because of that, I took to writing, spending time alone, and reaching our to others as outlets to achieve greater clarity and to help me make a more objective decision.
What follows are some snippets from my thought process and writings, documented over the last several months. Full disclosure: there are some parts that are vulnerable to share, but my hope is that you will find some value in them.
Maybe you’re trying to make a tough choice in your life right now and need a structured way to approach it. Maybe you’re trying to muster up the courage to make a big change but don’t know what factors to consider. Whatever your situation, there are few better ways to help than putting pen to paper, looking inwards, and reaching out.
If you’re with me, let’s start at the beginning.
When I was offered the job, I felt an intense rush of emotions. I immediately placed myself a few months in the future. I saw myself living in a nicer flat. I envisioned my bank account ballooning to amounts I hadn’t thought of at this point in my life. I could physically smell the barbecue being fired up as I visited my family for the weekend, pulling up in a brand new car. Life was good. Comfortable. Plentiful.
I’m not surprised that I imagined it would be this way, based on past journal entries where I would “check in” on myself:
“I feel lonely and disengaged,” I wrote a while back. “Lately, I’ve had more days where I’ve felt uncertain about life]vs. feeling capable and like I’m operating at full capacity.”
I was unhappy – very unhappy – for many months. However, being the silly extrovert that I am, few people would be able to tell. Yet one only had to read a few check-ins with myself to know a much different state existed beneath the smiling facade that showed up every day.
Having a job offer to go back to the U.S. felt like an opportunity to cast off the albatross that hung heavily around my neck.
I took a few days to speak with professional colleagues, friends, and family. I started outlining why I thought it was a good opportunity and why it made sense to accept. Little did I realize that I was falling into a mental trap – one I feel many people face all the time: I was rationalizing WHY I should do a thing, as opposed to whether or not I SHOULD do that thing in the first place.
Realizing I might be getting ahead of myself, I took a more systematic approach and started asking some tough questions.
“Why do you REALLY want to go back to the U.S., Ian?” I journaled to myself. “What’s driving you?”
I started verbalizing my thoughts in private, writing in sequence when I would reach a conclusion or when a new idea would appear.
“I’m unhappy,” I’d answer.
“Right. We’ve known that for a long time. But WHY are you unhappy?”
The first step in asking yourself better questions is not getting caught at the surface level. Your answer almost NEVER exists there.
In my case, I realized I’d been operating at surface-level decision making for many months.
“I’m unhappy here. Therefore, my answer is to go home.” That was my mantra, every day, for months on end.
But once I started going deeper with myself, I uncovered many surprising insights, some of which felt shameful to admit.
“Why are you unhappy?” I asked myself again.
“Well, I miss my family. And I feel like I do the same shit over and over again here. Every week is just work, gym, go home to my flat, watch YouTube videos, go to bed, repeat. I’m exhausted.”
“Okay, but you can change those things. You can take more of your vacation days throughout the year and see your family more often. You can join things outside of work to introduce some novelty into your week. You can book cheap travel across Europe on the weekends. Why aren’t you doing this stuff?” This is where the rubber hit the road. “I don’t know,” I would say out loud.
I’d list solutions to problems that plagued me for months and not have an answer for why I hadn’t acted on them. There they were, written out plain as day, like a cold slap of reality.
And there IT was – the root of all my unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life for months: me.
I was making CHOICES, every day, every week, every month, to keep myself in this state.
A fervour came over me.
“I am a victim of my own circumstances,” I wrote last weekend. “My suffering has been self-inflicted.”
I concluded my journal entry last Sunday by saying, “I will not leave my life here prematurely. I have not realized the full potential of this place, let alone myself. I will adopt a bias for action.”
A bias for action. A new mindset. The bedrock of my mental state shifted sharply, causing a rift in what I thought was the life I HAD to live. I was reminded of a quote I heard years ago: “It is easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than think yourself into a new way of acting.” My decision to stay in Europe was made.
I began drafting my plan for the second half of the year. For example, I want to travel more, so I broke down the steps to make that happen: research cheap flights, book the tickets and hostel accommodations, take the necessary days off work, repeat every ~6 weeks. I also want to get involved in things outside of work (at Google, this is harder than you think), and arrived at wanting to try martial arts. Thus, I would research gyms in my area, sign up for an intro class, sign up for a membership if I like it, and attend at least two classes per week.
Simple steps, repeated consistently, which could help me be happier.
My decision was made. My plan was drafted. Now I had to send a tough email.
I arrived at work this past Monday morning, pulled up my email, and began drafting my decision to the team in the U.S.
Immediately I felt a twinge of discomfort. I wanted to shut my laptop, put it off till later, or somehow hope it would all just go away if I ignored it long enough. I felt like I was saying no to an obvious choice for a good life. But, to paraphrase Mark Twain, I had to “swallow my frogs.” I had to make the hard decision.
I finished the email, clicked send, and felt a weight lift off my shoulders – the weight of many late nights and early mornings spent ruminating over the impact this decision would have on my life. It felt relieving to have made SOME kind of decision, even if I can’t say it was the best one.
Only time will tell.
— — — — —
I want to leave you with a few takeaways from this semi-organized stream of consciousness.
1. Respect the space between stimulus and response. Recognize it, seize it, and lean into it. Take your time and be intentional about the choices you make – especially if they have life-altering consequences like mine did.
2. To the extent that you can, check in with yourself every month or so. Document what you’ve done, where you’ve been, who you’re engaging with, and – most importantly – how you’re feeling. I’ve learned that human beings can be total shit at making good decisions in the moment. If you have a ledger of how your life is trending, it can help inform a more objective decision.
3. Go deep. Like, capital “D” DEEP on shit. Define the problem. Ask tough questions. Break it down. Ask more questions. Feel uncomfortable and like you want to quit. Keep going. Arrive at a set of small steps – so small you think it’s ridiculous – and do those things consistently. Magic will happen eventually.
4. Growth is generally not found in your comfort zone. My reflections and writings helped me arrive at the conclusion that I have more runway to grow personally and professionally here in Europe. One of my “acceptance criteria” for life is to “seek growth,” so remaining in a place that will force me to grow aligns with that. It helps to define what you stand for and what you’ll tolerate in life, because they will be there to fall back on when things get hectic.
5. It’s alright to not have shit figured out. I have a great job but still can’t match my socks. I doubt myself, compare myself to others, and have days where I genuinely have no fucking idea what’s going on. One of the biggest lies in the world is that everyone else around you has it figured out, and you’re some special, sad little exception. It’ll be alright. Do the next best thing, as often as you can, with what you have, and it’ll be alright.
6. Don’t feel like you have to go it alone – whether through making big decisions or life in general. You’re surrounded with amazing people with fantastic perspectives who can help you. Don’t squander opportunities to enrich your perspectives.
7. Three quotes:
“The story I tell yourself matters, so I’d better tell myself a good story.” – Nate Green
“You are more powerful than you think. Act accordingly.” – Seth Godin
“Be your unapologetically weird self.” – Chris Sacca
Okay, that’s probably enough for me tonight. I have a flight to Germany tomorrow (bias for action!).
I love you all. Like, a whole lot. You make my life something really special. If you need me or want a couch to crash on, I’ll be in Europe.
Ian
This post was originally published on May 15th, 2019
While on a flight bound for Dublin from Munich, I finished reading “Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win,” by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. It was my second time reading the book, as I wanted to revisit the core principles the authors discussed and understand how I could continue applying them in my own life.
As I put the book on the empty seat next to me, my window-seat mate glanced down at it.
“Are you in the Army?” he asked.
I smiled and said, “No, I’m not. But I think it’s good to learn about their principles. It’s my second time reading it. Just wanted a refresher on some things.”
“I see,” he replied. “Do you mind if I have a look?”
“Of course.”
He picked up the book and began reading the back and inside flaps. He turned to me and put the book back while showing me the book he was reading – “I Fought at Dunkirk.”
“I like military stuff,” he said. “And books about business.” He took out a small slip of paper from his book and began writing down the info for Extreme Ownership.
“Saving it for later?” I asked.
“Yeah, it looks like a great read,” he replied.
“Why don’t you have my copy?” I offered. “Like I said, I’ve already read it twice.”
“Ah, mate, I couldn’t. You don’t have to do that.”
“I insist. Please, have it. I hope you enjoy it.”
I handed him the book and we both smiled. He nodded his approval and began reading the preface.
After landing, we started talking about work, family, and what we got up to on our weekends away.
He grew up in England. He was in Salzburg this weekend, visiting childhood friends that lived with him while he was working in Budapest. He currently works as a copyright analyst and loves it because it’s a remote role, and that affords him the freedom to travel. He and his girlfriend are discussing having their first child.
We chatted up through passport control, where his EU passport and my non-EU passport would force us to part ways.
“It was great to meet you,” he said. “By the way… What’s your name?”
“Ian. Yours?”
“Phil. It was great meeting you, mate. Thanks for the chats.”
“My pleasure,” I said. “Enjoy the book.”
We shook hands, and then we were off.
———
I love serendipitous moments like these. I especially love them when gifts – physical or abstract – can be given, or value created, for one or both parties.
In this case, I had learned many valuable lessons from my two read-throughs of Extreme Ownership: maintaining discipline in key areas of life, effectively leading up and down the chain of command, and the value of a plan being simple and not just sexy, to name a few.
I have learned these principles. I have lived them in my daily life. Now, through this chance encounter, I have the opportunity to pass them on to someone else. To help them learn. Grow. Flourish. Hopefully, when the time comes, Phil can pay it forward to someone in his life that needs it.
The concept of paying it forward was taught to me by many mentors – formal and informal. In books and in person. It is something I take pride in, and a core part of my personal values. And here’s the great thing: paying it forward is universal, and it comes in all shapes and sizes.
For me, it might be helping someone with an exercise in the gym, editing a piece of written work, or, in this case, gifting a book to a complete stranger-turned-acquaintance.
What about you? What does paying it forward look like for you?
Is it teaching in a classroom? Volunteering at a local charity? Lending a hand to someone you know can’t repay you? Playing an instrument? Painting a unique piece of art?
Whatever it is, we all possess unique talents and interests that the world can benefit from being introduced to. We’re all presented with opportunities to positively impact other people’s lives. I’d like to encourage you all to take advantage of your gifts and those opportunities whenever you can.
Learn. Live. Pay it forward.
We’re all better off when we do.
Ian
This post was originally published on July 15th, 2019
The man thrust his arm through the open window of my cab, running alongside it as we tried to pull away from the curb.
The driver stopped and began to protest, but by then, the man had already flung the door open and thrown his bags in.
“What are you doing?” the driver asked. “I have this man. I have a fare.” He pointed over his shoulder at me. I sat and looked at the man. His face wore a panicked expression as he held his wife’s arm.
“Please, can we come with you? We are going to miss our flight. Heathrow terminal 3. We are going to Dubai.” He looked at me intently.
It was a humid day – one day after London’s hottest day ever recorded. The air was thick and the silence hung heavily as he waited for my answer. The London Underground train broke down en route to the airport, stranding all of its passengers – me included – halfway between ldowntown London and Heathrow Airport. As a result, I was in danger of missing my flight, and now this man and his wife wanted to come with me, going to a different terminal. One, or all, of us could miss our flights if it didn’t pay off.
Fuck it.
“Let’s do it,” I said. “Get in.”
They piled into the back of the cab with me, squeezing in tightly with all of our luggage. The husband began making phone calls, speaking quickly. He wiped sweat from his face and neck. His wife asked me where I was going.
“Dublin,” I said.
“We were visiting our children,” she replied. “They’re studying here.” Her husband continued to make phone calls. During one, he paused to ask the driver how long it would take to get there.
“35 minutes,” the driver answered.
“What time do you need to be there?” I asked.
“Seven.”
I looked at my watch – 6:35 p.m.
“Ah, we’ll be fine,” I said, trying to inject some optimism into our stiflingly-hot cab. Their worried faces showed they likely thought otherwise.
The cab sped down the highway.
6:50 p.m.
“We can’t possibly make it,” the husband said. “We’re going to be stranded here.”
“What’s your flight number?” I asked. “Heathrow and Gatwick have been slammed today. Maybe we’ll get lucky and you’ll be delayed.”
He told it to me and I punched it in to Google.
The results read: “Delayed by 40 minutes.”
I let him know.
Their faces softened in relief.
We were lucky.
We pulled up to my terminal first. I gathered my things. “That’s on your card, sir,” the driver said.
“Wait,” the husband began.
“Don’t worry about it,” I interjected. “Just get there and travel safe.”
He gave me a thanking nod as I closed the door and the cab sped away.
I don’t know if they made it on time. I hope they did. But what I do know is that when people need our help, we should do our best to help if it’s in our means. It feels good. It gives people a chance.
Sometimes that’s all we need. A chance.
We can be that chance for others if we choose to be when the moments in life present themselves.
And that’s worth remembering.
Love you all.
Ian
This post was originally published on July 26th, 2019
Not gonna lie, I was a bit surprised when I saw you crawling around in the shower with me this morning. That’s usually a one-man show, and if there *are* other participants, they don’t usually have eight legs.
I do not wish to harm you, Spider Bro. On the contrary, because of our accidental intimacy, I think we should be roommates. Here are a few ground rules at Casa de Ian:
1. No crawling on me in bed. I like snuggly feelings, not creepy-crawly ones.
2. Rent is due by the end of the month. For you, that means keeping other unwanted bugs at bay. My price is 10 flies per month which, in this economy, I feel is pretty reasonable.
3. You will have your own room to decorate with webs as you see fit. The armoire is lovely for storing your belongings, which I can’t imagine are anything more than bugs and the occasional leaf.
4. Guests are fine, but please keep noise levels to a minimum. If possible, please don’t invite fellow spiders into the fridge.
5. Should you decide to mate while we’re roommates, I ask that you do so in the comfort of your own web. Eggs are exclusively kept in your room. Once the kids are born, our contract will have ended, as I am not yet at a point in my life where I feel I can co-father 100 children.
Thanks for understanding, Spider Bro. I’m sure we’ll get along just fine.
Please never join me in the shower again.
Your pal,
Ian
This post was originally published on June 13th, 2019
As the elevator doors slid closed, bound for the ground floor, I heard a woman’s muffled hymn swirl up the shaft.
“In the jungle, the mighty jungle, The lion sleeps tonight…”
The elevator continued its descent, and a second woman’s voice chimed in.
“In the jungle, the quiet jungle, The lion sleeps tonight…”
Having now arrived at the ground floor, the doors slid open and I was face-to-face with the performers: three women, all about my age. They stepped aside so I could exit. I began my stride, but not without doing what I knew I had to do:
“A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh,” I sang.
We all laughed as they boarded the elevator. The doors closed, this time with my verses echoing up the elevator shaft.
Remember to spread some joy today – whether you’re at home, out on the town, or a sleepy lion in the jungle.
This morning, while in the shower, I heard a loud *POP* as I was getting all squeaky clean. It sounded like a firecracker went off in my bathroom.
Naturally, this startled me, and I began searching for the source.
Did a light bulb pop and burn out? Did a screw come loose and fall somewhere? Did a tiny alien army invade my bathroom and fire the first shot?
Eventually, I lowered my gaze to the floor and found the culprit: a penny, which had been pressed into my bum but came loose during my rub-a-dub-dubbing.
Now, this could mean that it’s time to clean my room, as it’s clear I was sleeping on loose change all night. It could mean that.
But!
It could also mean that thanks to dialling in my nutrition and training over the last few months, my ass is looking straight cash, and this was the universe’s way of letting me know.
I’m siding with the universe on this one.
Have a great start to your week. Your butt looks great in that outfit.
Ian
This post was originally published on April 29th, 2019
…specifically training your glutes to be strong and sexy.
The glutes are a crucial muscle group to keep strong. They are primarily responsible for extending your hips (getting up from a chair, for example) and keeping you upright, maintaining good posture. Beyond function, well-developed glutes look great on both men and women. One doesn’t have to look too far beyond popular culture to see that bodacious bums are on the rise in terms of popularity and exposure.
Despite these benefits, most people don’t give glute training as much love as they should. Let’s change that.
“I want a nice butt, Ian. Give me all the nice butts.”
My pleasure. First, we need to ensure you’re including exercises in your workouts that heavily involve the glutes. These include exercises such as…
– Deadlifts (straight bar, trap bar) – Hip Thrusts (bodyweight, barbell, dumbbell, kettlebell) – Stiff Leg Deadlifts (barbell, dumbbell, kettlebell) – Kettlebell Swings – Squats (barbell, goblet, split squats, sumo squats with a dumbbell) – Lunges (particularly reverse lunges) – Step Ups
All of the above exercises can be used in your exercise program to effectively target the glutes.
“Cool, I can do these. Now… when and how should I do them?”
Great question!
If building a booty that’s as strong as it is firm is your goal, you’ll want to train your glutes more frequently. Personally, I prefer to train them a bit each workout, utilizing a variety of set and rep ranges.
For example, let’s say you train 3 days per week, utilizing full body workouts each day. Here’s how you could add more glute-friendly exercises to your workouts:
Day 1: Stiff Leg Deadlifts w/ Dumbbells – 4 sets of 10 reps
Day 2: Bodyweight Hip Thrusts – 3 sets of 20 reps w/ a 1 second pause at the top
Day 3: Deadlifts – 5 sets 5 reps
Outside of dedicated exercises in your training sessions, you can also include some hip thrusts as a part of your warm up / stretching as a way to get those glutes activated and poppin’.
Once you’ve picked some exercises to use in your workouts, make sure to stick with them for a few weeks and try to get stronger on them – whether that means more weight, more reps, or both. That will help ensure your glutes are growing! After ~4-6 weeks of consistency, I’d recommend taking a lighter week – or “deload” – reducing the sets and weight by 50%. After that, you can either get back to working on those same exercises or pick new ones to work on!
So! Nice, strong butts. I think that’s something we can all get behind. Butt pun kind of intended.
Questions? Comments? Want to see more content and tips like this? I’d love your feedback. 🙂
Wishing you all great bums,
Ian
Ian Estabrook
Helping You Build Healthy, Sustainable Habits so You Can Live a More Productive and Balanced Life
Ian Estabrook 