Today, I had the privilege of being invited back to speak to junior and senior classes at my high school alma mater, Brother Rice – an all boys catholic school on the South side of Chicago.
I spent several hours with 50-some-odd young men talking to them about navigating transitions from high school to college, how to manage their time, build good habits, and generally prepare for being out on their own for the first time. I gave them a whistle-stop tour of my experiences and imparted many lessons I learned along the way. I had plenty of slides (80, to be exact, which I finished making at 1 a.m. – classic), but I felt the slide below was the most important one of all.
When I was younger, there wasn’t a huge emphasis placed on men being vulnerable and opening up about their feelings. Men were rewarded for being tough, playing sports, partying, and towing the social dividing line of “cool vs. uncool.” This isn’t particular to my school experience, but I feel being an all boys school on the South side of Chicago exacerbated it.
Knowing how it feels to be in that environment and understanding how the world has become more empathetic, I included this slide and spent the most time on it vs. any other.
I thought it was important to help these young men understand that it’s okay to be open and honest with themselves as well as others about how they’re feeling. I told them the old adage “boys don’t cry” is an archaic way of thinking about their masculinity. I recounted some examples from my life when I was in very low places mentally, and that the only reasons I managed to come out okay in the end was because I swallowed my pride and admitted, “Ya know what, actually, everything is pretty shit right now. I need help.”
“Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness,” I concluded.
Several of these young men have reached out to me via email afterwards. One of them said, “I took a lot away from [your talk] which I hope stays with me through college and life.”
That, right there, is what volunteering and paying it forward is all about.
If I said something today that inspired one of those young men to live a better, healthier, more focused, and more purposeful life… Hell, even if one of them heard or read something I presented and said, “Huh, I never thought about ‘X’ that way before,” then it was worth it.
I hope the young men I had the privilege of speaking to today have learned something so that they, too, might pay it forward one day. Learning, applying, teaching, and becoming better together. That’s the goal.
Hope you feel the same.
Have a great rest of your day. Love you lots.
Ian
P.S. If you want the full set of “what I’ve learned” slides, DM me and I’ll send them to you.
This post was originally published on September 4th, 2019
Ian Estabrook 