Today, I was invited by my roommate to the World’s Biggest Eye Contact Experiment 2017 – Dublin, Ireland. Admittedly, I was a bit hesitant at first (“So you like… stare at people?”), but I figured what the hell? Might as well see what the fuss was all about.
Upon arrival, I was told by one of the event organizers that the point was to find and sit with a complete stranger and maintain uninterrupted, silent eye contact for at least one minute.
I scanned the crowd and was drawn to a woman wearing a bright pink coat sitting in the center of the crowd. I approached her and gestured to her blanket, signalling my intent to sit. She smiled, inviting me to join her.
“Patricia!” she said.
“Ian!” I replied, taking a seat.
We sat together and stared deeply – without judgement – into one another’s eyes. Hers were a light brown with faint golden sunbursts. The gloomy day’s winds would occasionally blow her salt and pepper hair into her face, but we remained intensely focused on one another’s gazes. The venue was the top of Grafton Street – one of the biggest shopping venues in Dublin city – so there were plenty of opportunities for your gaze to be stolen by the hustle and bustle of your surroundings. But true to the experiment, Patricia and I stayed locked on one another’s gazes.
I lost track of time, but we had to have stared in silence for at least 5-10 minutes. Our silence was only broken after I started to smile, which caused her to smile, and then we began laughing with one another. After we calmed down, we started to chat about the experience.
“So, what did you think?” I asked.
“I enjoyed it,” she replied. “I felt very comfortable with you. Even as I saw you walking up, I was put at peace at the thought of sharing your company.”
Then we stated talking about how we were feeling when we staring at one another.
“I got a wisdom and analytical vibe from you,” I began. “Like you were studying and deconstructing my gaze and features. But even amidst that intense focus, I felt very calm and cared for in your presence. Almost maternal, in a way. I’d fancy a guess that you’re a teacher.”
“I was also very comfortable in your presence,” she said. “I saw genuine kindness in you. Openness. That you weren’t afraid to be present and vulnerable with me.”
From there, we spared no topic.
We talked about upbringings.
We talked about fears.
We talked about relationships and love.
We talked about passions and purpose.
Patricia is from Barcelona. She moved to Ireland two years ago to share her passions for teaching dance with those around her. She also works in a hospital for people with mental disabilities. Her work is tiring, but she said it fills her with a genuine sense of meaning and enriches her as a human.
“I was discouraged and thought I’d leave Ireland at first,” she confessed to me. “‘One class,’ I thought. That class turned out to be one of the most powerful and fun classes I’ve ever been in. I’ve been here since.”
She also recently split up with her partner and is going through a bit of a rough emotional patch.
“I was walking down the street last week just crying,” she admitted. “I had taught four classes that week. My body hurt. My heart hurt. But then I realized… Yes! I taught FOUR classes this week! This is what I want to be doing, and I am grateful for the opportunity to do this, even amidst my hardships.”
A fantastic perspective.
After a while, we finished another story, laughed, and sighed. We’d been talking with one another – no distractions – for over an hour. We hugged each other tightly before leaving. Our moods were sky high.
“Thank you,” I said. “Thank you for listening.”
“Thank you for sharing and allowing me to share,” Patricia said. “It was such a pleasure to be in your company.”
We exchanged contact info and went our separate ways – strangers no more.
—
Today was a very real reminder of the power of connecting with people, no matter who they are. It could be your family, a best friend, an acquaintance at work, or a complete stranger. What matters is taking a chance on people, which isn’t something we do that naturally anymore.
Everyone is unique. Everyone has a story. Everyone is succeeding, failing, and striving. And everyone has the potential to touch someone else’s life – even with just a conversation – every day. It’s an incredible power, and one that we can all use if we tear down the walls that society erects, if we ignore social conventions and break out of our spheres of safety and distraction.
I’d invite anyone still reading at this point (hi, thank you, love you) to try something similar today or any day you feel the opportunity presents itself. It’s likely more often than many of us realize, and while small, it can be so transformative of one’s mood, day, or even life.
So let’s reach out, connect, learn, share, and love more. Just don’t stare too long unless you’re told to. 🙂
Love you.
Ian
This post was originally published on September 23rd, 2017
Ian Estabrook 