I had a really tough last week.
I’ll spare you the details, but something I worked six months for – something I and several others were certain would happen – didn’t. When I found out, I was incredibly disappointed in myself.
I worked really hard, but I came up short.
I spent the following days mulling over possible explanations. Took long walks, laid in bed, wrote in a journal. I considered countless variables.
Finally, after days of shutting myself in my apartment and being alone with my thoughts, I found my answer.
The reason this didn’t happen was me.
I worked really hard, but I didn’t work hard ENOUGH.
Of course, accepting this was like taking a hard slap to the face. The realization that I could have reached my goal had I worked just a *little* bit harder was a bitter pill to swallow.
But…
It was also freeing.
It’s freeing because I know what I have to do for next time. It’s freeing because I know what it feels like to fail, and I’ll work like hell to avoid that feeling again. It’s freeing because the power to make it happen is in MY hands. No one else’s.
Knowing that, we fast forward to this morning…
I woke up at 4 a.m. No alarm set – my body just decided it was time to get up. I tossed and turned for a bit, with thoughts of my shitty last week still permeating my mind. I set an alarm for two hours later. I laid back down for a few minutes, but then I realized what I needed to do.
“Alright,” I said to myself. “Time to go.”
I got dressed and walked to the gym in the 30° weather. I warmed up, did my mobility drills, and trained lower body. The photo you see is of the squat rack I was using at 5 a.m.
I snapped the photo between sets, because to me, it is symbolic of WHAT I HAVE TO DO.
Success in the gym requires patience, dedication, and hard work – just like in life. If I don’t make progress in the gym, who else is there to blame except myself? I realized that same truth applied to my current situation.
I may have fallen short of my goal, but it is not out of sight. I’ll have another shot at it. But reaching it requires me accepting where I am now, showing up each day, and doing what I know I need to do.
It’s uncomfortable. I do not like it. I could complain about it. I could blame everything else but myself.
But I won’t.
Like the gym, I will show up, swallow my pride, and do the work.
Today. Tomorrow. Every day after that, getting just a little bit better.
I’ll show up until my goal, just barely out of reach now, is firmly in my grasp later.
Cheers to you, your goals, and your “better every day” – whatever that looks like.
Have a great day. Love you lots.
Ian
This post was originally published on October 30th, 2018
Ian Estabrook 